The United Socialist States of Islay Easal is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Captain with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, aversion to nipples, and lack of airports. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 16.274 billion Islay Easalians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Arrgh. The average income tax rate is 96.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Islay Easalian economy, worth a remarkable 3,336 trillion kronor a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 205,015 kronor, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign football clubs wave the Islay Easalian flag before every game, dangerous criminals are often 'accidentally' sent on one-way trips to Maxtopia, nobody looks each other in the eye at neighborhood block parties any more, and Captain's handshakes with opposition leaders usually lead to thumb wars. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Islay Easal's national animal is the elephant, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Piracy.

Islay Easal is ranked 254,202^nd in the world and 7^th in Arrgh for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring -6.96 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.